A New Hope
#1.1 Once the wheels are in motion, only breaking can put a stop to it
This is a 3 part story, and this is #1.1
Once the wheels are in motion, only breaking can put a stop to it
Sitting in the university library.
Just failed an exam. I under estimated it.
But…
…this is the first time I ever failed because I did too much. Let me explain.
I used to be a rebel, always wanting to be the outlier. And the most on hand method was bad things.
This lead me on a path of self-deprecation victim mentality. Skipping classes, drinking, dimming the hope of a good life. My teachers did what they had been taught during their formative years in communism: to point their fingers, laugh and consider me a low-lifer. I used to blame them for everything, but I have outgrown that. I can see they were humans who did not have the opportunity to grow and help those in need emotionally. I thought I would be a jobless, homeless loser.
My self-esteem had been conditioned to be so low, that if we were to think of it as a black guy, it could never get into the NBA. Hope it’s clear that way how bad I was feeling on the inside.
Until 11th grade.
I wanted to become a film-director. Keep this in mind. So I looked at what one does: films, writes, reads.
I had already been taking photos and writing in my journal, so the missing piece was reading. I looked at Christopher Nolan, my favourite director, and at what he read.
Found a list online, saying that he recommends “Stranger in a Strange Land” by Robert Heinlein.
And this is how it all started.
Come New Year’s Eve 2021, I had a few hours to fulfill the promise I made to myself. To read the whole book. While my friends went out to eat, I sat on a park bench, ripping through the pages. I upset my mates, since we had committed a few days for this holiday and went to another city.
To Codrin: I still haven’t forgotten how you did forget to buy some food for me :))
But the journey began.
(Full story this week. Still experimenting.)